{Underneath the Stars.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Im not a saint, im not a sinner either

5:36 AM

My 40th post...and this will be my last...

It was never your fault...it is true that god programmed certain functions inside us...i cant blame you for the way you are...

But if those programmed function of yours hurt some people, even though you dont intend to hurt, dont you think you should reboot and change that function??

It was never what you really did, or what you might do, it was HOW you could make me feel.

Since this will be my last post,on a slightly different note...

PLS LOVE EARTH....we need Earth and Earth needs us...Fine...i got this love Earth idea after watching Wall-E twice..haha...but really, dont forget to take care of Mother Earth.

"Come back down to earth, to the sun and the sea...."

Goodbye....

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Kingshaw true story

1:04 AM

"Back when i was in secondary school, i took pure Literature and studied this book titled - King of the Castle. The story is about a boy, Kingshaw who had been bullied pyschologically. He was bullied by the boy name Hooper. He never bullied him physically, it always pyschologically....and the worst thing happen. Their single parent liked each other and decided to get married. The horror, the horror! Kingshaw now had to spend more time with Hooper. (I cant Fucking stand when u're around). Hooper manage to make Kingshaw feel defeated, hopeless,useless, stupid and most of all...insignificant.(this is how she managed to make me feel- All the vicious remarks and verbal attacks) To the eyes of others, they feel that Kingshaw made things up, to them it is such a small matter. NOBODY understands how badly it is affecting Kingshaw. In the eyes of others, Hooper was the VICTIM and Kingshaw was the VILLAIN. We the readers know what actually goes on ( Did i truly do the things that you've described). This is pyschological bully/torture. This term is not made up by me but by other real pyschologists. It is a pyschological novel recommended and used in schools. It is based on a real case of pyschologically bully happening in Europe countries. In the end, Kingshaw couldnt take it and he eventually comitted suicide. ( But all I could do was close my eyes, And cross my heart and hope to die.)"

Why do i brought this novel up?
Why?
I wish i can tell everyone who misunderstood us.
Are everything written in blogs are true?

It doesnt matter anymore, because this story is a living proof that even though people know why Kingshaw acted in such a way, nobody will ever fully emphatise with him, unless they go through the exact same thing.

Psychological torture- How little the problem is perceived by others but NOT to the one experiencing it......

PS: I wish this could shed some light to those who misunderstood us.Be prepared, for this is a cycle that never ends.(If you dont mean those words, dont say at all)

Friday, February 13, 2009

Erase it all

4:45 AM

" funny, at first i wanted to know everything about you
I even believed the most trivial thing was love
Funny, at first i tried my best to become alike,
not knowing that the similarities would hurt me
I try to erase again and again, but cant
The more i try, the more memories of you become clearer, it's no use..."

You are a good catch and i have to admit that it will be a loss for myself to lose someone like you...but hey...god definitely have something better for me in the future right..i would like to hold on to that belief until im over you..

Funny, how can someone have such a strong influence on someone else
Funny, how can someone still hold on to that hope
Funny, that people know time will heal wounds but still think about it
Funny, how all this can get started...

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Torn between two

7:31 AM

This picture is my fave today...i had actually fantasised that Spanky was the one who took it....haha... aniwae...school has officially ended...and it's so sad to know that i wont be schooling anymore...i am not a fan of long goodbyes...i get emotionally attached to people and buildings haha...i will miss TP itself..the lecturers, the canteen , the lecture theatres and so on...

On a slightly different note...today was really unexpected....really...u know what i mean...it wasnt planned...haiz..i hope u dont get the wrong idea dear girl....

I hope im not replacing you...coz no one can replace anyone...everyone in the world is unique and different from each other...

And yah...y does all these things happen now??? hmmm...i have no idea...

And yeah..it felt so GOOD to be in the pouring rain...feels as if the rain is washing my problems away

" Let the rain wash away my sanity..."

Never in love..dats me...how does it feel huh? to have someone loving you...to love someone...to hurt someone..to have someone hurting you...

Blog...blog...blog...

So random...yeah i know...haha

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Love scenarios

4:31 AM

Scenario 1: The girl had been liking this guy ever since they met. One day, she plucked up her courage and confessed. But when she did, the guy sadly told her that he cant accept her love because he is not ready to accept anyone new in his life. The girl, hurt but happy because at least he didnt hate her. As time goes by, she is liked by someone else. This other guy plucked up his courage and ask her out. At first, she doesnt want to, because she still pine her hopes for the one that she likes, but eventually, she decided to let it go and grab this opportunity. Oh boy. She was happy to have made this choice. When she proudly announce her relationship with this other guy, her old crush felt as if he lost something. Suddenly, he felt that he doesnt want to lose her. The biq question is - what is the reason for him to feel such way? why does absense make the heart grow fonder? Why do we realize that something is precious to us only until we' ve lost it..

Scenario 2: When romeo meets juliet, love sparks. But not for these 2 love birds. Oh...sparks do fly...but it is more to sparks of fire rather than love...the sight of each other disgust them....spending time with the other party was the last thing that they want to do....But fate is stronger..it brought them together...they HAD to spend every single time together...and as time goes by...they both need each other...but....none of them actually realize that they both need each other like...romeo needs juliet....However, they are happy with the way they are...what is their relationship status, u might ask...they dont know...its not important to them...

Scenario 3: The first time they met, she say..there is no way i can like this guy...but hey...apart from the looks... his charm, his funnyness is likeable...but those are not enough for her to like him ..so nothing can ever happen between them...as time goes by...he changed his looks...it's not drastic..he changed his looks to suit her taste...but do u think she will like him....actually...she does...she began liking him...even more....i can say....but...too bad...he doesnt like her...are looks really important??

Scenario 4: She likes him...and she can tell he likes her too...but no one dare to make the first move...everytime they got a hint of a confession...something will happen to make it disappear...so it always leave them wondering whether he likes me...or does she likes me...as time goes by...this continues...till when will they get an answer..When will we get the answer?.....

What are these love scenarios about...i know...there are a lot of other versions...but these are the one that i always picture in my mind...my favourite...scenario 2...

PS: What is yours?

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Foolish fool

4:17 AM

" Ee babo....means "this fool" in korean hangul...
This fool is me....for falling for a foolish boy..

How many times have i made a fool of myself??
If those times are money, i'll be Donald Trump.

How many times have i foolishly make a confession??
Twice, literally speaking.

How many times have i been thinking about the foolish boys in my life??
Loads, tons, always.

How many times have someone tell me that i look cute when i act foolishly??
One. For real.

How many times have i told someone that he is a foolish boy??
Once in a lifetime, however this might change in the future coz i would love to call my boyfriend foolish when im upset or angry or when i feel like it.

How many times have i done foolish things like frequently check his profile on friendster/facebook/myspace???
Every chance i can get.

How many times have i told myself to stop acting foolish??
More than u can ever thought of.

How many times have i told myself not to be a fool in love??
Just enough for me to stay strong in my belief which is to stay single till i'm ready.

Foolish love, loving fool, love the foolish fool........"

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Its been so long....

11:06 PM

" yeah i know...its been long since i blog...nothing much to say at that point of time...

Recent events got me thinking......

Was that the best way to deal a situation...Running away and letting go something precious to you...?

I know i've been cold to some these past few days...i had to...rather than bursting out in rage....

I wont apologise because literally i did nothing wrong, so do you...

My actions have dire consequences on someone else, now that i realized...

She needs him and i am not helping...

Hello? wonder mala? where art thou? the girl who help people tide things over? where have you been???

I must not be selfish..in order to pursue what i had planned, i forget the inportant things....

And i know YOU dont need me, coz i dont need you too..

How can someone be so religious yet perceived as mean by someone?

So who is the evil one here huh?

Oh ya...i miss you...and she need you..

always time like this when i think of you and wonder if you ever think of me

Everything so wrong and i dont belong living in your precious memories.

So sad, it's a sad situation but not sad enough to drive me to tears...

Cant blame me here...i can cry at dramas where it doesnt concern me...i know...im very SENSITIVE and emotional,and touchy...and....and...

She asked: What have you ever said or done to make him hate YOU?????

I said: I dont know....

Haiz...sometimes in life u wont get answers for everything...

In life, there are always choices and its up to you to make the right choice...

I am making one starting from now......"

PS: I miss it.