Navigations are at the top.
Why do you have to be nice to me for me to be nice to you? Why do you see my flaws when i cant see them? Why do you only see the bad side of me? Why do i only see the good side of you?"
So, the moral of the story is: GET A DATE! This is to cure my SYNDROME. I think by having a date, i can get familiarise and comfortable to be alone with guys. So.....anyone wanna date me??? i'm AVAILABLE. hehe....That's all folks!"
U came into my life a year ago
Then i've decided you've got to go
Things happen and i dont know why
How can a stranger like you can make me cry
When i thought that it's all over
I saw u again on 30th december
My heart still beat so fast
Eventhough you are a thing in my past
I want to talk to you
Do you want to talk to me too?
I want to smile at you
But will you smile back at me too?
I dont know why i chose to like you
And now, i dont have anyone new
For i always feel that you are someone nice
Because i can see it in your eyes
And now im destined to like you
I hope u can like me too....
If all these things are not true
Then what am i supposed to do
Coz everytime i see you
All i can think is you
You make me lose my mind
Can you stop it if you dont mind?
Pls what can i do
To make me forget you?
Tenth chapter
4:12 AM"I just washed Samb. He is clean, smell good and look cuter than ever. I am going to sleep with him every night.
I saw him today after so long. Though that it is over, but my heart still beats so fast when i see him. Hmm....must be the hormones raging inside me..haha.....desire is taking control of me..he look really good in black...he really does....(so do you....I wish i can tell u...)I really wanted to know him....i want to know what is he like, what he likes, what he dont, what are his bad and good habits, i want to hear his voice, i want to smile at him,i want to talk to him.All are these are WANTS, but do i NEED it?
It is definitely getting better.I know. I really do. Lets just keep moving on shall we? Glad to be a part of your memory. I really am. Thank you.
One problem solved.Another one appeared.haiz...what to do? ottohke?
Saw taemin lookalike today. Me and Sai ran after him. haha...crazy stalkers!!! i think i've lost about 1 kg after all that running. Thanx sai!
I really dont like him you know. I just like him as a friend. Stop those thoughts please. I like someone else. I liked him and i still like him.
Ottohke? what to do? hope i wont bump into him again coz it makes me weak. But i want to see him....what to do?
Samb is smiling at me. He always does. I love him"
Monday, December 29, 2008
Ninth chapter
3:53 AM" As i sat there thinking, things are getting better. I think my duties are over. im gonna let them have their own quality time together without me. It's a new year. Forget the old and past mistakes, just keep moving on. What's past is in the past.
I know what can make me happy...watching my favourite show, drama, fantasising about wondergirls doing special stage performance with either DBSK or SHINEE...hehe...life couldnt get better.....I know this k-pop infatuation will be over anyway as i grow older, therefore i want to treasure it as much as possible.
I cant help noticing the way u look at me. It is very intriguing.Its as if u want to say something to me. I can see it in your eyes, but when i thought that there is something, it disappear, but it never fails to come back. I've never felt this way before. Your eyes tell a million things even though u do not say it.action do speak louder than words.I hope that this goes on because im happy with the way it is. even though it is just my wishful thinking, i will just keep on pretending.It feels sweet and nice like as if a child gets to hear bedtime stories at night where even though they know it is not real, they keep on imagining that it is REAL. I WISH it is REAL. I know i will never get an answer for this, but it doesnt matter anyway. Just as long i get to keep it in my precious memories, nothing can stop it. You are my sweetest sin.
I am happy that my life is surrounded by friends who care for me, who need me, who like me, for i had cared for them, needed them and still likes them(just the way they are). U cant change ur friends. Just accept them and learn them. Because it will take a lifetime to make a real friend, and only seconds to lose them. Treasure your friendship. if u lost one and there is no hope for it, then learn not to make the same mistake again. For we are still young. We will be making more new friends in the future. This is one thing that never stops coming. Friendship.
My love life. Now i dont like anyone in particular. I really dont. And if u think that i have feelings for him, i really dont. Having someone liking you is not the same as u liking him. Same goes to wanting someone to like you is not the same as u liking him. What i mean is, there are moments in my life where my ego takes control and i wanted him to like me, but i dont like him. I just like the thrill of having someone liking me. i dont know why, but i like it. I dont like him, because i dont know him. I dont know his likes and dislikes. I dont know his good and bad habits. How to like someone when u dont even know anything about them? But only god knows why i WANT him to like me....seriously... really dont know...i have a few eye-candies but i learnt not to put all my hopes on them because it is almost IMPOSSIBLE. So that is my love life at the moment. Usually, i'll get frustrated over my empty love life, but now i dont. Because i will never know what lies in the future ahead for me. I hope it is something GOOD for i have waited and still waiting for the right moment.
Family. its never been better or worser. its always the same. financial problems, domestic problems..it just keep on coming....another thing that never stops. But its ok, because i have realised that whatever problem we face, we managed to get over it. I don worry about the future, i dont think about the past, i just live my life to the fullest.
There are times where i get super bored and all i want is FUN,FUN, FUN.If there are 3 things that i can get, it will be, fun, happiness and kindness. Everything in this world is temporary. Good and bad things do come to an end. So just live life to the fullest, keep moving on as if nothing really matters."
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Eight chapter
4:42 AM" Dont come running to me when u lost all your hopes. I am not a back-up friend to you. Do not exploit my kindness, please. Yes it is true we had some special moments but that is all in the past. I am sorry. I have high expectations of friends. Friends may come and go. But honestly, to lose you, i wont regret it. All those pretense and even though u told me there are real moments where u really care for me and believe me i really did treasure it, but the pretense, the acts had overruled everything.......I dont understand why do you set priorities on somehting else and pushed me aside to pursue it. We really did have great bonding. For the reason i move away was because u were no longer close to me, u were close to someone else. I got hurt and confused. Moreover, i no longer hear ur sweet words. All i hear was negative compliments that make me feel sad.....and that is why i moved away....Things happen for a reason. It is extemely sad that it had become like this....."
"I have decided not to come running to you if i have problems, because it is my own fault of pushing you aside for pursuing another matter in my life. For u have changed, u no longer listen like u used to, u no longer talk like u used to, we no longer talk like we used to. I am sorry for making u my back-up friend. i wont come running to u if i lose all my hope....u dont deserve it and i am not worth it.....i promise to be more independent from now on.....sorry babe....."
"The problems in our life recently brought us together.It is great for us for we each found a new friend. But it is sad, that our old ones are lost.We get to share our thoughts, vent our frustation because we both understand how it feels like. I need u, and u need me. things without me is not good for u, i know, for u had called me to be there for u. I appreciate it. I feel as if i am important to u. But i hope that if u get it back, u wont forget me. hope u dont come running to me when u lose ur hope. I dont mind being there for u, but pls dont make me ur back-up friend coz i cant help feeling that our friendship was built because u needed someone to tide u over.Hope that each of us find peace in our own problems so that our friendship is not based on these problems alone....."
"I am happy recently, coz i am starting to know u more. I get to see ur humourous side, i get to listen to ur crappy jokes, i get to be in your memories. For we had never had anthing in the past. so at this time, i feel happy. Many thanks to you. I always wanted to know how isit to be close to u coz i've heard about how funny and crazy u are to ur close frens, and now i've got to. So are we frens? i noe we are graduating, but we havent rite? eventhough for my part, i feel happy, but i hope u no longer hate me...if there was a time i make u angry please forgive me.......coz we ARE graduating......"
Graduation night
3:59 AM
The Hepburn dress emulates the classic style of the movie icon. Fitted with a nipped in waist, this knee length dress follows the curves and has a deep pocket design for added detail. Lace sleeves give this dress an on-trend finish. This is the perfect one.
This dress is cute definitely,but its sleeveless.I can wear a shawl or a mini jacket.
Little black dress was brought famous yet again by Audrey hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's. And yes, my grad night look is inspired by the classic audrey hepburn look in this movie.
The little black dress of "Coco" Chanel, celebrates its 80th birthday. So, where is the future? In November 1926 French Vogue published a sketch of the Chanel petite robe noire in its original incarnation, labelling it the ultimate "uniform for the modern woman".It was cut in matt black crepe, had a high neckline, long, narrow sleeves and stopped just above the knee. Unusually for its time - statement dressing was then, as now, a rather more ostentatious affair - it had no collar, no buttons and neither embroidery nor any other surface embellishment. Simple, graceful, eternal, for a woman of 21th century. Theme: Classic black and gold fusion
The look: Audrey hepburn classic little black dressBlack satin pumpsGold accessoriesGold clutch bagSmoky eye make-upPin-up hair with soft curls cascading downWhy the LBD? because it is simple, classic, not provocating yet a sexy object.Totally love it!Graduation night...here i come!!!!!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Seventh chapter
5:04 AMOMG! i broke my promise of no internet for a week!!!
It's all because i cant stand not watching SHINEE!!!
I love them...hehe..thanx to them....i love POLAROIDS now....i am so going to get one....hehehe...im gonna get a pink one just like Key....Sai already got one for herself...and she LOVES it! who wouldnt? haha
And i miss suju especially the rascals like heechul, kangin...haha they crack me up..love their nonsenses...
And i am addicted to Kim sun ah latest drama-when its at night....Love her character there...actually come to think of it...her real character is somewhat similar to the dramas like this one and My lovely samsoon...she is so ADORABLE...well...that's because she is a libra like me.....hehehe....
And i cannot wait to become ADULT and fall in love.....hormones raging....yeah...i know...
And now that problem doesnt really matter because i am taking it one at a time....and i know i am not PRETENDING...
And now i dont really care anymore...i know how to make me happy if im sad
And my skin in serious dry condition due to lack of water..and maybe because of DIRT...
And my hair is growing and it curls up like a lantern.....although on good days it does not...
And i'm gaining weight....not much, not obvious, BUT i can FEEL it....
And Im also addicted to wondergirls especially Yoobin coz she's a libra..like me...
And i am going to learn a musical instrument...coz life is short ok?
And i will be nicer to people...same reason as the above...
And i am going to read more books...especially harry potter coz im addicted to it...i've watched the movies back to back...oh yeah...just like a movie marathon...
And i am going to wash Samb,pink panther and resemble my wardrobe...coz new year is coming..
And that's all folks!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
New year resolutions!
4:31 AM1. Be happier
2.Let it go
3.Be less sensitive
4.Be stronger
5.Save money
6.Learn piano or guitar
7.Get a stable job
8.Be more understanding
9.Get a date
10.Fall in love
Sixth chapter
3:16 AMI need to vent out my frustation!!!!!!!
If i can say all these things i will and i want.......but we all rely on blog to read each other's feelings and thoughts...Gosh!!!What happened to simplicity? where u can easily tell someone u like him, where u can easily tell someone u hate him and why, where u can tell what u feel to your own best friend and not let it all built up inside, where u tell your friend your friend your deepest darkest secret.....but no...all of us have to rely on BLOG!
What if blogging never exist? will it be different then???
Why cant we pluck up our own courage to face the truth...We all want the easy way out...to leave it just like that.....who cares if he or she ever found out....who cares if he not....Time do heals wounds, time do flies...but if time freezes and u r left to deal with this situation....do you think you can leave it and let time heal?
Somethings in life can be confronted, some are not...as this saying goes...some truth are better left untold....i agree....BUT i wish i can.......
On a slighlty different note, thank god for blogging......
Today on my way home, as usual as i was sitting in a bus...i realise my life is not so bad after all...of course i cant hang out at night like other people do because of my housework responsibilty that was entrusted to me ever since i was small...i noe i get lazy and tired easily that's why i always push my schoolwork at the last minute resulting in of course, a poor grade...i mean...most of the time im happy, im not diagnosed with a terminal disease or something, i might be lazy...but i can be hardworking when i want to...its just tiring ..imagine -school in the day....5 days a week, work at home in the midnight......plus my part time job during weekends...my family earn just enough to get by daily...we dont save, yet we don splurge...its always just enough....most of the time i'll be thinking its not fair...while other people are sleeping at night...there my family and i working our guts out...i still remember when there was a time where me and my sis didnt even have time to sleep before we go to school at 6 am in the morning...life was hard..it still is..my parents are getting old by the day...my sis is working but earn just enough for her and the house bill...so my mum who is now 60 years old, diagnosed with high blood pressure, still doing it.....i feel so sad because my mum cant retire...it hurts me to see her do more work and resulting in very little sleep....and all she say was..."it's ok, just as long as i can make money...."And there i am helping her, my family to SURVIVE...many ask me- why do you sleep so early...at first i don want to tell.....but eventually i did tell....but the sad part of it...is that not many understand or even remember it.....even if they did, they will be just like..."oh ya...i forgot....."Never in my whole life, is there anyone who ask me how do i cope with it....never....i don need sympathy...all i need is concern...its really strange.....sometimes i feel like running away from all these.....change my name...migrate to another country...the only support i have that keep me going on with my life is my faith in god, my family, my sis.......and the responsibilty that dragged me down to earth ....just like gravity..you cant feel and see it but you know it....so what if other people have all the time in the world to hang out at orchard or go zoukout...so what?Im happy with my life...i hope i can be stronger....i hope i can be happy every single time.....There is no need for me to compare other people lives with mine..wishing mine is better, wishing its different...u just need to accept it and carry on with life....
Anyway life is still beautiful...today there are many elderly boarding the bus that i took just now....everyone gave their seat away.....thank god for kindness, thank god for human intelligence which created technology and internet and blogging.....
Simplicity is just way overrated
Friday, December 12, 2008
Fifth chapter
3:09 AMMy blog revamped!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to haziwinaini a.k.a haz a.k.a hachi a.k.a hazel.........
But of course most of the credits goes to me...the one who chose the skin...i mean....haz was like pick this....and that one too...its all pink and blue and white....so haz.....
I wanted black skin...something dark...but yet beautiful....i always find black mysterious, classic, bold....and yet it represents many feelings....
"Should i? should i not?
Are we even friends? seriously.....i think that we are not......"
Gosh! Life is short ok?....so deal with it...its okae mala.....its okae....you have the future lying ahead of you......
Why underneath the stars? Everyone knows stars are beautiful...
Do you know that stars are actually little balls of fire...that eventually burn up after like few hours or so....but...they are never ending...they will always appear again and again....just like the problems in our life.....be it friends, money, school, love problems...they come and go.....
Simplicity is underrated........
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Assumptious- eight single
8:52 PMChange.....
The thing that change cannot change is...change itself...
People change through time....
Some change for the better...some...for the worse...
Given time, anyone can change.....
Face changes, style changes, life changes...
A different matter of change...
Is when the heart change....
You might love him now, but how about tomorrow?
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Ask that question everyday.....
And you will definitely see the change...
Physical changes, emotional changes, environmental changes...
What if everything change?
Will u take the new and leave the old?
What if u dont want it to change?
Can u defeat change itself?
No matter what, changes will occur in everyone's life.....
Some may like it, some dont....
But never worry, for no matter what happens, remember that it will change....
PS: Yesterday was history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift....
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Assumptious- seventh single
6:18 AM" He said: I dont like it when i talk to you and you dont look into my eye...
She said: Its not that i dont want to...... its just that i cant because you are a GUY....."
Extrovert: People who are usually loud, rarely hides their feelings, love to socialise
Introvert: People who are usually quiet, rarely show their feelings, wants to socialise
When do you talk?
Is it when.....
you feel comfortable with that someone...
Is it when....
you WANT to talk....
Is it when.....
you need someone to talk to....
Is it when.....
you need to break the silence.....
What make talking so hard?
Is it....
the lack of chemistry...
Is it....
the lack of bonding...
Is it....
the lack of comfortness.....
Is it.....
the lack of courage....
PS: I want to find someone who i am comfortable with, where i can pluck up the courage to talk when we are alone, where bonding and chemistry can be created, where i can find love and affection, where i can be HAPPY.....
Fourth chapter
6:05 AMI am SHINEE infatuated!!!!
Key- always talk, love skinship with taemin and jonghyun and sometimes, Onew
Jonghyun-love to talk with key, both key and him LOVE the camera
Onew- love to butt in and make "Onew condition", likes attention
Taemin-full of surprises, at one hand he can be quiet and cute, and the other hand, naughty
Minho- the quiet one,when he talk its like......woah.....
extra info...
I think Shinee is successful because they consist of mainly fire sign stars.
Fire sign are known to be energetic, adventurous, strong-minded.Together with air sign, they become stronger, because fire need air to continue. Without air, there is no fire. Love like oxygen! hehe...Then there is water sign, the one that help these 2 sign to come back down to earth and that is why they are humble.
Fire sign- Jonghyun(aries), Minho & Onew(sagittarius)
Air sign- Key(libra)
Water sign- Taemin(cancer)
Peace....
Shinee hwaiting!
PS: I can dance AMIGO!
Friday, December 5, 2008
assumptious- sixth single
4:19 AM" Why do the heart do things for reasons that reason itself cannot understand?
Why do you force yourself to do things that you don't want to do?
Why do you keep a smiling face while inside your heart is bleeding?
Why do you let yourself go against your own wishes?
Why do you do all these things eventhough you know it doesnt mean a thing?
Why do you want to keep something that u never had?
Why do you want to like someone eventhough u are not being liked?
Why do you still want to spend time with that person eventhough you cant be together?
Why do you need her when u know u dont want her?
Why do the heart never listen to the head?
Why do you ignore the pain?
Why do you hold on eventhough it hurts so bad?
Why do you ignore the signs eventhough u can see them?
Why do the heart do things that we dont understand?"
third chapter
4:05 AM
the view of tp from rear
praying mantis pose
wat???
he who initiated the praying mantis pose
.....
walking away..
The fountain!
The models-me, haz, azfarThe camerawoman- saihahToday, the beautiful scenery of my school temasek poly was discovered. It was a really great sight, especially during sunset. I really wanted to lie on the grass and star-gaze. That will be great if i can get to do it with someone special. To me its kinda romantic to lie on the grass side by side and JUST star-gaze, BUT then, reality kicks in, that special someone is hard to find and eventhough u managed to find a guy, he will be mostly trying his best to kiss you....yeah...i know...its romantic and nice to kiss...but i dont need it...so sue me! I really wanted to lie on the grass and look up to the sky....but then.......Azfar told me there are worm....earthworms.....lots of them.....Thanks alot worm guy.....
Thursday, December 4, 2008
My birthdae pics!!!
5:52 AM
me n sut before we embarked...wat's with my shot?
me and us going home...
so hot....so fine...so cool
wondergirls!
yeah... i noe wats with this......aiyo...my leg so sexy ah....too bad for the scar on my knee...
perfect ten!
soaking in the sea....
OMONA!
AGAIN!
waiting for the tram...
me n haz
IT was a great day...thanx for celebrating it with me guys...love you all!!!!!My ambition: To be a cam-whore! hahaPS: My birthday was on 9 0ct. Click on the pics for clearer view!!!
Something i never had
5:22 AMDo you see me
Do you feel me like I feel you
Call your number I can not get through
You don't hear me and I dont understand
When I reach out I dont find your hand
Were they wasted words and did they mean a thing
And all our precious time but I still feel so in between
[Chorus:]Some day I just keep pretending
That you'll stay dreaming of a different ending
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had
I keep telling myself things can turn around with time
And if I wait it out you could always change your mind
Like a fairy tale where it works out in the end
Can I close my eyes have you lying here again
Then I come back down
Then I fade back in
Then I realize its just what might have been.
[chorus]
Am I a shadow on your wall
Am I anything at all
Anything to you
Am I a secret that you keep
Do you dream me while your sleeping after all
Some day I just keep pretending
That you'll stay dreaming of a diffrent ending
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had
That I never had
I wanna hold on but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had
You dont see me, you dont feel me like I feel you
Sang by lindsay lohan.
This really describe my situation with him...it really does...those who know...read it carefully...
second chapter
4:49 AM" ERRGH! Why cant i talk when we are alone????It's as if my body naturally shuts down or something.....And this apply to ALL guys....seriously. Come to think of it,I can talk to guys....i mean im not social retard or something, but that is only possible if there are other people. Like it cannot be 2, it must be at least 3. When back in my secondary years, i had alot of guy classmates. We always sit down together, make fun of each other, but the number is never lesser than 3. There are moments when i will be walking with just one of them, and it will be like totally DEAD. Even in my current situation, its like that...GOSH! Something is definitely wrong with me......And oh yah...i've never been out on a DATE before....maybe that's why...maybe everytime when im alone with a guy, i ASSUMED that we are like on a date or something(i noe its weird)...and it make me nervous and shy and my body shuts down....How ironic for someone who practically never shuts up......haha....I dont know why but there are theories i've created for this SYNDROME i'm having.....
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Assumptious- fifth single
5:09 AMShe said...3 more months to go...3 more months of never-ending questions....at least it's only 3 more months....
To you...have u found out? is that why we are back to square one?...only 3 times i'm mentioned in your blog....3 times only....although there is alot...but there is only three.....
I want you to know..but for what? u can always choose to deny or not answer it at all...i can choose to ask or not to ask at all....
Decision, decision, choices, choices...
"It's really bothering me....it really is...
She said.....ask yourself...why r u feeling this things????....
I said...i dont really know.....i just felt unfair when i dont get IT just now.....
The big question is WHY do i feel that way.....maybe .....i really want to be your friend....but WHY? why now?
Seriously, you are fun...you crack me up...you are the first male version of my star sign i've ever met....you crack me up....
My active compound: laughter
How do i activate it?
By making other people laugh, so i can laugh along....
I cant laugh alone...i need someone...lets just say i hate being lonely, but i dont mind being alone...
I feel tired making people laugh...
I want to be happy.....laughing is the key
3 more months....
I'm tired of being the initiative one....
How do people draw a line here??
To sai-if i take away SHINEE, MCR and our problems, do we have anything in common?
To haz- if i take away Super junior, cute eye candies, polar intern days and our problem, do we have anything in common?
To azfar- if i take away private body parts talks, FSM stuff, do we have anything in common?
To sutha- if i take away our crazy dancing moments, orchard nights, cam whoring, shopping, Marche, do we have anyhting in common?
To faiza-if i take away BIG BANG, SUJU, malay MATs, cats, do we have anything in common?
To Shikin-if i take away greeting messages, my problems, do we have anything in common?
To ana- if take away our secondary moments, jiwang songs, do we have anything in common?
To widya, if i take away our secondary moments, window shopping, do we have anything in common?
To nasirah-if i take away hindi movies, roti prata and 9 years of friendship, do we have anything in common?
If i take away all these things...i know that we cant be friends....
If u like someone for some reasons and one day that reasons go away, will u still like them??
U dont need a reason to fall in love, much less liking someone, much less making friends....
PS: My aim in life is to be HAPPY, not to make everyone LIKE me, BUT how can i be HAPPY if someone DISLIKE me for reasons that i will never know.....
It's really bothering me......
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Assumptious- fourth single
7:55 PMMY LOVE
" I can see us holding hands, walking on the beach, our toes in the sand,
I can see us in the countryside, sitting on the grass, lying side by side,
You can be my baby, please make me your lady, boy you amaze me,
Ain't gonna do nothing crazy, see all i want is you to be my love...."
It's taken from Justin timblerlake(JT) my love....its the girl version that i created ...hehe...so creative of me rite???..LOL
" I used to find you ODD,
But now, i think we're EVEN."